Been feeling pretty crappy for the last 10 days. Try to analyze "am I depressed?" or "really sick." My husband says "You're sick hon" "it's Jylness!" (ew, I hate having a name that rhymes with illness)........I could do a rap right now but I'll pass.
Went to the Dr. He said my throat's red, took a z-pak but still feeling horrible. Everyday hoping today I feel better. This is where faith comes in strong, 'cause when you're sick, the world really does stop.
If I had a show to do, I'd go do it. Since I'm not working, no reason to push myself but the isolation is truly horrilble.
Thankful I have a great husband to cook for me and go to the store. Life would be so difficult without him. It's truly a blessing to have a husband who is also my best friend, and neighbor! We don't live together, never have except on trips.
We have such different life styles we know that living together will truly be challenging. Since he is also out of work, it could happen although we hope so much
he can find something to do to make a living and keep his house. He's welcome in my
little world of 10,000 sq ft. if it happens, we will make it work of course.
We've been trying to start some meet-up groups for people out of work like we are. People who had careers they loved and are now dealing with all that comes with this kind of loss. It's huge. We see people complain about their jobs on facebook and it feels awful because we can't find one. We see people all excited for the weekend, and we don't have that either. It's just no fun not having your career or a place to go to. Working gives you a sense of purpose and feeling of accomplishment, even if you don't realize it everyday. Once it's gone, you feel the magnitude of it.
I've always wanted to write a book about my life to help people. I came through so much to still be here today. Now is that time to do it. I just need to start. It's such an overwhelming thought though to sit down and write my life story in a way that someone would want to read it.
I know I need to do conversations and write a story, not just a journal. I have a year to do this in unless something else comes along in the meantime.
Yesterday 2 friends helped get me through the day. It was a rough one. Not feeling good, no job, my dad went to heaven a few weeks ago and I miss him. This too shall pass.
It is not total darkness I see, like sometimes I have, but rather hints of light in a dark tunnel. My mind is working less hard today to stay positive, its truly a one day a time affair in this unemployed life.
What to be when I grow up at 55 years young? That's the million dollar question.
Once that unfolds, life will feel more back on track for me. Maybe it's time for the book I've talked my whole life about writing.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........."just wondering!"
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